She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
