is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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