Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
