I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
