I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
