he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
