i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
