I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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