You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
