Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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