we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
