I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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