can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
