"it" just moved
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
