You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
