Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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