you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
