Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Randomize
