sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
