If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
