I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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