Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
