brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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