i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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