so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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