oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
