I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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