I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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