I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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