were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
