im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Randomize
