Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Randomize
