Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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