He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
