No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
