I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
