i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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