Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
