I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
