good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
