So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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