I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
These tits shall not be calmed
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
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