if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
