Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
