Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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