Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
