why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
