every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
