You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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