Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
