Capitaan dildo arrescate!
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
It's shark week go big or go home
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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