what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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