You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
