Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
