She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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