Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
