You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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